


So Many Feelings

by keeta_everlark



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Because aren't we all inside, Liam being a teenage girl, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1883238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeta_everlark/pseuds/keeta_everlark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam has had a crush on Niall for ages, but of course, Zayn in all his glory, comes into the picture...<br/>Warning: Kinda sexual I guess, maybe more in later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
Liam POV  
You know those days when you just want to scream at everyone?  
Well lately, every single day has been that day. But I have good reason! And the damn reason is right now prancing in front of me, in all his glory.  
Damn that little leprechaun, looking all cute and perky, eyes wide and the most beautiful blue ever....wait wait Liam, you're trying to get over this! This is why I'm so, as the boys have said 'moody' and 'not like myself'...it's because I have to hide my feelings for my best friend, which means I have to pretty much ignore him, and trust me, that pouty, hurt look of Nialls? Killer...breaks your heart in two if it's ever thrown your way, which, sadly, has been mostly what I have been receiving from Niall, ever since I realized I like him more than a friend...a LOT more than a friend..

I wish I didn't have to get over this...but it's not right, and as if Niall would want me...I know Louis has been trying to make a move on Niall for ages. If Louis couldn't get Niall, then there is NO way I could woo him...wow 'woo'? Really? I blame Niall...

Currently, we are in a quite large and spacious house/mansion, somewhere in Australia, because Simon decided we needed more coverage in the land down under. Not that we're complaining, Australia is beautiful, lovin' the beaches, the surf...it's awesome. We're probably going to be staying here for about a month or so, doing what we do (just pretending that we're cool ;)), doing interviews, writing songs, concerts, just doing what One Direction does, pretty much. There are 5 rooms in the house, but us being One Direction, we tend to share rooms, but of course, one person is always left out, and guess who it was this time? Me, probably because the boys are sick of me bein all moody and antisocial...Zayn and Harry are rooming together, and more importantly, stupid Louis and *sigh* Niall are rooming...I didn't even really get a choice, as soon as we got there, Louis grabbed Niall and dragged him to a room, and shouted loudly that they were rooming...then, suddenly Zayn grabbed Harry and hauled HIM off to another room, which was a bit weird, because I thought Zayn might be a little bit nicer to me, considering he was my confidant when it came to my feelings for Niall, but I guess he was getting sick of me, just like every else...

"Liam! Get your ass over here and play!"   
Speak of the devil...  
Niall's looking at me, come on Liam, you can not completely make a fool of yourself, just get up and get over to where the rest of the boys (most importantly, Niall) are playing UNO...lol nope, can't do that. Stupid chair, got in my way...the rest of the boys are laughing, what is Niall doing? Wait, of course he is laughing, that beautiful sound, but sadly, not what I wanted to hear at this moment...

"Mate, you *gasps for air* just needed to *still laughing* walk 2 meters hahahahaha" Shut up Louis.

I am so done at this moment, my foots killing me, the boy are all laughing at me (of course I'm blowing all of this out of proportion, of course they would laugh, it must have looked funny) but still...

"Li, mate, you ok?" Niall. I look up and he is reaching towards me, to check if I'm ok, I think...still reaching....still reaching...No. I quickly bolt up, and run towards my room. Slamming my door, I  run to my bed and flop onto it. That was close. I can't let Niall touch me in any way that seems loving and caring...gives me too much false hope, and well...Niall touching me....just a thought I shouldn't have, because, well, I do have a strong crush on his personality, but his body, well, it's beautiful...his eyes, the flip of his fringe, and, as we always see each other getting changed during concerts and whatnot, well, he's certainly not lacking in some other lower areas....I mean his abs, of course!! Though, I should not be thinking any of this, he is just my best mate, he would be disgusted if he knew, if he knew what made my lower region happy...stop it Liam!!! I'm so disgusted with myself...he's your best mate, Liam, nothing more, just calm down your body, sheesh...why must my body react this way towards him..?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more Niam and a whole lot of Ziam ;)

Chapter 2  
Liam POV  
*Later that day/night*  
I'm worried to go downstairs after running away like a little girl a couple of hours ago...what was I thinking, that was so rude of me to run out of there like that...I wonder what Niall is thinking? 

Just then, I hear a knock at my door. I panic, because what if it's Niall?? 

"It's me". Phew, Zayn.

"Come in".

He opens the door, walks in, and closes the door gently, then walks over to the bed.   
I am already sitting on the bed, but as he nears the bed, I lie down. He is still standing next to the bed, just looking at me. 

"Zayn? Mate, you there?" I ask, just a little bit put-off by his staring.

He shakes his head a bit, then smiles at me, and sits on the edge of the bed. 

He looks at me, unsmiling, and says "So, spill, what's the new You're-in-love-with-Niall news?"

I frown, he said it so sarcastically...I thought he understood that it was serious, he was supposed to be helping me get over Niall!

"I'm sorry this is such a burden for you, I just thought you were one of my best mates, who cared about me and wanted to help me get over Niall!" I say vehemently. Wow, I really am short-tempered. 

He looks at me in shock, "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that! I do want to help you get over him! It's just-well, that's all we talk about, lately! I want to talk about just me and you, just Zayn and Liam, not Niall in every single damn conversation we have!" he shoots back, angrily.

"Well I'm sorry I'm human! How about you go have feelings for your best mate, knowing he'll never like you back, so you have to ignore him, so he'll never know, so you don't ruin anything" I can't help it, I'm crying now, why is everything so difficult...

"Li..." I hear Zayn's soft voice, and with that one word, him using my nickname, I look up, just that little bit more okay.   
He's crawled up the bed to where I am lying down, and hovers over me, before leaning down, hesitating, and then hugs me. This position feels so weird, but strangely quite comforting, and I hug him back, my arms wrapped around his neck, his around my back. I breathe in his scent, which adds to the feeling of comfort. He is warm and beautiful and smells AMAZING, and I nuzzle into his neck, before I hear his breath hitch, and he moves his head so we are looking into each others eyes, then-

*Bang* My door crashes open, and "Liam, what-...oh.." I hear in Nialls voice, and I push Zayn off me and sit up, but Niall is gone from the doorway.

"Niall!" I call out loudly, as I run out of my room. What must he have thought, I had just realized how compromising that position I was in with Zayn, looked! 

I look into the kitchen, and of course, there he is, staring into the fridge. 

"Uh, Ni, so, uh, that wasn't, uh, anything with Zayn, just then, by the way...we were just, um, yeah, he was-"

"What you and Zayn do, or are, isn't my business, but if you two are something, I thought you might've told me or the boys, at least" he says, still staring into the fridge. 

"No, but Zayn and I aren't anything, though! It was just, he-" I spluttered.

Niall cuts me off, "I don't care, Liam, just go back to Zayn, why are you still here with me?" he says, quite coldly, so coldly, and un-Niall, that I just stand there, about to cry. Why is he being like that?

He finally looks up from the fridge, to where I am still standing, and sees a tear run from my left eye. 

"Li, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound cold then, I'm sorry!" he says, striding over to me. 

He hugs me, wrapping his arm around my neck, before kissing my cheek. He opens his mouth to say something, before Louis enters the kitchen, shouting.

"Ni, come here, sweetie! You said we're playing FIFA now! Don't think you can back out now!" Ugh, really, now, Louis? Niall should be mine, not yours...but of course, I'm trying to get over Niall, so setting him up with Louis would be a good thing...I think. 

I pull away from Niall, and move to head out of the kitchen. 

"Wait, Lou", Niall starts,"Li, are we okay? Did you want to come play Fifa with us?"

I do the best smile I can muster, and reassure him that we are 'okay', and brush off his invite to play with him and Louis. Let them have their time to flirt, and be happy...

I walk quickly out of the kitchen and run upstairs to my room, to find Zayn still in there, now lying down with his shirt off...oh....well I'm obviously, definitely gay, so, Zayn, an obviously VERY attractive male, with his shirt off, in my bed...well. I dawdle in my doorway, when Zayn, who had his arms over his eyes, raises his head and looks at me, and smiles...smiles, his gorgeous smile that gets all the ladies...and me. I can't lie, I am very, very appreciative of Zayn at this moment, but of course, all I can think of is Niall, flirting and having fun with Louis, right now. 

"Hey, is everything alright with Niall?" he asks, still smiling.

"Uh, um, ye-yeah,"Damn you mouth, stop stuttering, it's just Zayn with his shirt off, you've seen it a billion times," Yeah, everything's fine, he just though you and I had something going on ha, ha" I nervously laugh, why am  
I being so awkward???

Zayn smile turns into more of a smirk? I think, as he says "Oh, really?"

I realize I am still standing in my doorway, and walk over to my bed, and sit on the end of the bed, while still laughing nervously. 

When I sit down on the end of the bed, he slowly sat up, muscles flexing, and I find it hard to avert my eyes from his body.   
He seems to find that funny, and I blush and turn my head, as i realize he noticed me looking. 

"Li, it's okay to look. Don't worry, I know I'm irresistible" Damn cocky bastard. 

He's still smirking and laughing, sitting up and looking at me. I am looking away, but then I hear his laughter stop, and I look back at him, and he is staring intently at me, oh my. The look he is giving me...his eyes...woah...my pants tighten, and I start to panic. What is happening?? Everything was fine and normal a few minutes ago, and now I'm getting turned on by Zayn?? He's beautiful, but I like Niall! My emotions are really messes up right now, I am like a teenage girl right now, I am being just another one of our fans...but none of them get the look that Zayn is giving me right now...wait Zayn, why are you looking at me like that...like you want to...kiss me? No, that's stupid, Zayn is straight, and anyway, why would he want to kiss me. Okay, thinking of him kissing me is not helping my lower regions, he's bound to notice any minute!

We are still staring at each other, but then he suddenly starts to shift closer to me, not creaking eye-contact. What is he doing?

We are right in front of each other now, my legs drawn up to my chest, to hide my 'excitement', his legs spread out, a few inches from either side of me. 

His hands are moving towards me, he moves my legs down, and I am so in shock, I do nothing to stop him from discovering my semi. 

That's when he sees it, his lips curling up again into that smirk, before he leans forward, and roughly kisses me, and plants his hands on me, one holding my face, and the other...RIGHT next to my growing erection. 

I moan into the kiss, responding, but letting him take charge. WAIT! Liam stop! I pull away from Zayn and back slowly out of my room, and run to the bathroom, with Zayn's face etched into my mind, and his last expression, when I pulled away from the kiss, his happy, yet embarrassed expression...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing sorry :/ hopefully someone will enjoy this, maybe...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam having a little bit of fun, and Harry enters the picture! :)

Chapter 3  
Liam POV

Well...not gonna lie, that was an amazing kiss...so amazing, that well, I might need to relieve myself a little bit. My pants are still restricting, so I turn on the shower in the bathroom, and rid myself of all of my clothes. As I step into the shower, my thoughts are still filled with what had just happened, of Zayn, and his amazing body, and his lips...I reach down my abdomen, and slowly clasp my erection. Thinking of not only Niall this time, I relieve myself with thoughts of Zayn...Niall and Zayn...ok no, don't go go there Liam, don't make everything more confusing.

I finish up, with a soft moan of "Zayn", then clean up the shower and turn it off, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. Oh no, I have to go back into my room to get dressed! I hope Zayn has left...I think...do I want him to still be there, with me only in my towel..? No stop, Liam, you just got rid of your boner, don't need another one!

Niall POV  
Playing Fifa with Louis is so tiring, he gets so hyped up, jumping all around, making ME start to jump all around. I mean, I am quite an energetic lad, but Louis takes stamina to a whole new level. Louis has also been a lot more touchy-feely lately, touching me more, and almost...flirting? Probably not, I'm probably just making things up. 

Not to knock Louis or anything, but playing with Liam is just a bit more fun...actually doing most things with Liam is a lot more fun. Speaking of Liam, I hope we're actually alright. I don't know why I was acting so cold towards him, it's completely fine if him and Zayn are....okay, maybe I'm not completely fine with that, I mean, come on, I'm your best mate, Liam, why would you keep something like that from me...I'm not jealous for any other reason though, right? I mean, Liam's fit and all, but yeah I'm a guy, he's a guy, so yeah, not gonna happen.

When Louis beats me for the 45753 time, I decide to call it quits, and run upstairs, with Louis calling after me "Sore loser, come one, one more, babe!" 

See? Even more pet names, I'm just not sure what to make of it...  
At the top of the stairs I walk to the bathroom, but I hear someone already in there. I turn to walk away, but then I hear something familiar. Haha I know what that is *wink wink*. I then hear a soft moan of "Zayn" and I freeze as I recognize Liam's voice....moaning Zayn's name...which means...Zayn and Liam ARE something? Something inside me stirs...why am I angry about this? Well I do kind of have reason to be angry, I mean, really, Liam is MINE, not Zayn's. Um, when I say 'mine', I mean he's my best mate, nothing else. But just thinking of Zayn right now...idiot. No, Niall, Zayn is your best mate, too, stop, be happy...for them...

I am still just standing there, thinking, when I realize the shower has stopped. Liam will be coming out soon, I've got to go, so he doesn't know I was listening to him...relieve himself. I quickly run to my room, which conveniently is right next to the bathroom.

Oh no, Niall, you just listened to your best friend get off to another best mate...

Liam POV

When I get back to my room, thankfully, Zayn is gone. I don't know what to do, it will be so awkward when we see each other. I'd much prefer just staying in my room for the rest of my life. Well it's late now, I might just go to bed now, and not think about Niall OR Zayn...yeah right.

 

*Next Day*   
Still Liam POV

I am so tired...I hardly slept last night, all I could think about was my confusion over Niall and Zayn...why do they both have to be so amazing??

I was supposed to be getting over Niall, because I knew Management would never allow me to be gay, at least, not openly. But now it seems that I need to be able to stop feeling for Niall and Zayn..how did ONE kiss make everything more confusing and difficult??

Why did Zayn kiss me? I don't really want to face him, because I will be so incredibly awkward, and make everything worse, but I NEED to know why he kissed me? Does he like me? But he knows I like Niall! 

Nah, Zayn wouldn't like me, he's the Greek God of One Direction, all tan skin, delicious abs, deep hazel eyes...ohh...yeah, he definitely wouldn't go for boring me.

So I have another crush now...what the heck? They're like the opposite of each other! Niall is extremely energetic, and extremely pale (Go the Irish!), whereas Zayn is somewhat subdued, quiet, and, well, Greek God-like. But I reckon Nialls amazing body isn't appreciated enough, I mean, come on, his abs? Swoon...I am such a teen fangirl. 

"Li?" I hear a knock on my door, it's Harry.   
"Come in" I call out, still lying down on my bed. 

Harry opens the door and walks into my room.

"Hey, Li, sleep well?" Harry asks.

I shrug, not really giving any hint to my problems. Harry just looks at me with his dopey smile, and climbs into bed with me. That's why you gotta love Harry, nothings complicated with him, he can climb into your bed, naked usually, (but thankfully he was in his boxers this time), and it's not in any way awkward. He wraps his arms around me, and we just lay there for awhile, before he sits up, and says "Why is everyone still in bed? I've been up for an hour, all alone in the kitchen", with a pout that rivals Niall's.

"Aw Haz, I'll come downstairs with you now....Zayn isn't downstairs, yeah?" I ask, adding hastily,"I mean, no one is, right?"

Giving me a inquiring look, Harry replies "No, I think Niall and Louis are still in bed, and Zayn, WAS in bed, but I think he's about to take a shower".

The idea of Niall and Louis in bed together makes me frown, but then I thought of Zayn, going into the shower...Liam, do NOT get a boner while Harry is in the room. Of course, Harry would be the least bothered by that happening, but that doesn't mean I want it to happen. But the imagery in my head is not helping...maybe I should go check on Zayn...

"Yeah, go get him, while I go down and make everyone breakfast" I hear Harry say.

Oh, I said that out loud...and now Harry is expecting me to go and get Zayn, who is taking a shower...this is not good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, idk if this is good or not..thank you for people reading this and leaving kudos :) next chapter shall be up quite soon I imagine...sorry for my poor attempt at making this kinda sexual...the next chapter will most likely include sexual activity, so I apologise in advance for the horrible writing...xxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ziam...just Ziam...why can this not happen for reals bc XD

Chapter 4

Liam POV

So...to the shower..with Zayn in it...

I exit my room, and walk down the hall to Zayn and Harry's ensuite room, and knock gently on the door, praying that no one answers.

"Come in!" I hear Zayn call out, over the sound of water running. I gulp, and open the door, before stopping in my tracks on seeing Zayn...standing near his bed...in only a towel slung LOW on his hips, giving full display of the defined 'v' leading down to...stop thinking, Liam.

He stiffens as he sees me in the doorway, before quickly relaxing and smiling at me. 

"Hey Li, what's up?" he says, still smiling at me.

"Uhm, Har-rry, wanted me to, uhm" oh not this again Liam, it's just Zayn! Whom you have kissed...and who is standing in front of you in a towel looking fine as hell,"Get you for breakfast!" I blurt out quickly.

"Oh okay, I'm just gonna have a quick shower" he replies.

"Uhm, okay, I'll just, uh, go then" I stutter out (just shut up Liam).  
I turn to leave before a hand grabs onto my arm, and I turn back around to see Zayn now standing right in front of me. 

"Actually, I was hoping you would stay, so we can...talk...after I'm finished...?" I hear Zayn say, but I am kind of distracted by...other things, to fully comprehend what he said, before I agree. He smiles, and walks over to the ensuite bathroom in his and Harry's room, enters, and closes the door. 

I am still standing I'm the doorway, slowly realizing what I agreed to. Stay in the room, while Zayn is completely naked on the other side of the bathroom door...okay, Liam you can do this, do not get a boner, do not get a boner, just sit on the bed, and wait calmly, like any best mate, waiting for his friend to get out of the shower. Okay, no this isn't gonna work. I can feel my cock stirring at the continuous thoughts of Zayn naked, only on the other side of the door.

What do I do?? I can't have Zayn coming out here, and seeing me with an erection on his bed! Maybe, a quickie...no, Zayn could come out any second. Just a little bit couldn't hurt, I think, as I press the heel of my palm lightly on my crotch, gasping slightly at the touch. 

I hear the shower stop, and reluctantly pull my hand away. Now I have to mentally prepare myself for Zayn walking out here in a towel, wet. Okay, I really don't know if I can do this, as the images in my mind of what is to come, stir something deep inside me, my erection growing. 

The bathroom door opens and Zayn walks out. Yeah, there's no hiding my boner. What should I do? I can't let him see it, it will make everything more awkward.  
   
"So, Li, did you want to say anything or something before I do something?" I hear Zayn ask, as he sits on a chair next to the bed where I am sitting, cross-legged.   
"Uh..." is all I manage to get out before Zayn does IT again. 

This time I was no more prepared for Zayn's kiss than last time, but at least this time I had the sense to lean in too. It's feels wonderful like this, sitting across from him on the chair, our his soft lips moving against mine. It's painfully obvious that neither one of us wants to stop at this point. There's no words that I can think to say, so we both let our lips do all of the talking.

He uncrosses his legs and stands up from his chair. We break apart for only a few seconds while Zayn pushes my shoulders so I slide backwards on the bed. Zayn crawls on top of me, his mouth crashing back onto mine.

I wrap my arms around him, gripping the back of his shirt and pulling him as close as I can. I have no idea how I am doing this. Me, Liam Payne, the most awkward person in the world. Kissing Zayn Malik. On the mouth. Lying down on his (shared) bed. Now that we're both here and this is actually happening, I don't really want it to stop. Plus, Zayn's a really good kisser. Better than I could have ever imagined.  His lips are soft, and they're so plump that they fit on top of mine so easily.

I suddenly thrusts my hips upwards, unable to stop myself, because oh gosh this is turning me on too much...and OH is that Zayn's erection against my own, straining through his thin towel? He's breathing heavily now, as am I, almost dizzy because this is too much for me. 

Zayn gets the message and starts grinding against me. He goes slowly, and it's driving me absolutely crazy. Zayn's hand slides down my side and his thumb rubs against the skin above the elastic of my pants which are on display just above the waistband of my jeans. 

My head is seriously spinning. I can already feel heat building in my abdomen, with my orgasm building up. My eyes squeeze shut and I take deep breaths, because I am not about to let myself come just by making out.

Zayn is so in tune with me (and he knows that I am a minute man because the lads have had all sorts of conversations about sex before) that he stops moving. He stops kissing me too (embarrassingly making me emit a whine) so as to give me a chance to catch my breath and calm down a little. Instead, he plants pecks along my jawline, and I keen my neck, with no reason for him to cease.

"Do you really love Niall?"

Oh right, that IS a reason...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my attempt at semi-smut, and an overall apology for my lack of writing skills, but I shall continue to write bc I need to improve! Yay for improving!!! (not really but yeah) :P ily all and thank you so much for taking the time to read my attempt at putting English words into a worthwhile story (which failed) but yeah, comments about how to improve or if you want to write something and I'll give you credit or just whatever, and also kudos would be greatly appreciated bc what writer doesn't want kudos? Love you all  
> keeta_everlark xox

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this probably sucks, I'm sorry :/ comments with any suggestions on how to improve my writing, or if you want to help write, would be greatly appreciated :)


End file.
